The holiday season was not fun. I spent the holiday season trying to make magic happen, but my cousin died on Christmas Eve. Then I caught the flu on New Years Day. Things have not been going as planned, but they haven’t been going as planned for years.
I started a therapy program, and told my therapist that my 30s have been a bust. The pandemic, death, and other things had other plans. I don’t regret having to be a caretaker for two aging parents, one who passed away and one who is thankfully cancer free. I do regret that my career and love life are at a standstill. I haven’t been able to travel at all like I used to do. I am not where I want to be, but after having a ton a family members pass away, enduring a kidnapping attempt, a near death experience, and other shhhhhhhit… I think it is safe to say I am pretty traumatized.
I remember listing all of the trauma I have endured from childhood to now to my therapist and having her actually accept what I said instead of the usual gaslighting I received from others. When you are a strong person, especially a strong Black woman, people don’t take your pain seriously. They don’t realize you are strong because you have been through some things. Those things are the reason I have anxiety, depression, and burnout. I also got diagnosed with autism and adhd, which if you know me shouldn’t really be that much of a shock.
So as you can guess, the years have changed me. Things that were important to me are not so important to me anymore. Also I guess I am in what the youth call my villain era, because masking has been exhausting. Masking is what neurospicy people do to fit in or seem normal, and I don’t really care about that socially anymore. You either like me or you don’t. If you meet me and realize I am not the same Jai you once knew…ok.
The Fat and Skinny blog is gone, and has been for some time now. Over the years, decade plus, I have watched the influencer/content creation world change, as well as my own world change. I am still going to maintain THIS blog, and do what I do on my social media channels. I will just feel less pressure to go with the trends or consumerism. I buy and do what I what when I want. I still like nice things, but I just don’t want to be tied down to things like I was in the past. A lot of things aren’t as important to me anymore.